This piece was submitted for my Creative Writing coursework; graded: 67/100. This piece is semi-autobiographical.
When I woke up, it was the year 2000.
Now, that’s unusual for one simple reason. I fell asleep in the year 2018. And when I say fell asleep, I mean, got clipped by a bus at ten miles-per-hour and hit my head on a nearby car bonnet. Let’s just say it was a very strange day I was having.
A wander through my ever-glib hometown of Burton-on-Trent, I went into Cooper’s Square shopping centre to find both Woolworths and the Early Learning Centre were still open. I discovered the Blockbuster store—car park packed, queues out of the door—advertising the latest films on VHS. It wasn’t until I saw the Safeway supermarket—yet to be replaced by Asda—that I realised what had happened. I’d gone back in time.
As I entered the soon-to-be Asda carpark, I passed Trolley Ted. A scruffy, elderly man who looked like Santa; he would return trollies left in the streets to their supermarket homes. I remember the local papers publishing an article when he died about ten years back (from a present-day perspective, that is).
A car thumped out one of that era’s number one hits, Shanks & Bigfoots’ Sweet like Chocolate. I loved that song as a kid. And in that moment of nostalgia, I wondered. Was I here, right now? Younger me. Had I crossed my own timeline? I’d watched enough Doctor Who, which, my three-year-old self was yet to discover his love for, to know that meeting my past-self was a very bad idea.
But, surely, a peek wouldn’t hurt.
Continue reading “It’s melancholic and funny as hell”
This piece was submitted for my Creative Writing coursework; graded: 68/100
For all we knew, the world was probably ending. Tensions between vampire gangs were at an all-time high, peace talks between world leaders and the newly-arrived extra-terrestrials had turned frosty and the anthropomorphic cats were now declaring war on anyone who had ever purchased repellent. If we weren’t living it, I can imagine how ridiculous that would sound. But that was all background noise right now. I was on my first date Melany.
Continue reading “Superhero”
This piece was submitted for my Creative Writing coursework; graded: 63/100
If I’ve learned anything about time travel, it’s that no-one notices when the past changes. Let’s say I went back in time to stop Hitler coming into power, do you think World War Two would have happened? Of course, it would; another far-right lunatic would come to power, dick around in Europe and spark the war. Today, we might not know who Hitler is, but the war would still have happened and much of history would stay the same. Speculative – maybe, but time has a strange way of healing itself – if ‘healing’ is the right word for it, especially when it comes to the big, traumatic events.
Even as a time traveller, some things will always happen, no matter how you try to change that. Some things, we can’t control…
Like me and Noah getting pissed as the world ends around us. That’s inevitable.
Continue reading “Stubborn Butterflies”
He had finished work a little early, so Alan went into a charity shop, almost absentmindedly. He looked around a bit, rummaged through oversized suits, admired some ornaments. And then, something caught him eye. A colourful hat. A Rastafarian beanie.
Alan, being one of those people who carelessly appropriates other people’s cultures, (for example, while in China, he got a tattoo in Mandarin which he believes says ‘peace’, but really says ‘arsehole’), of course, brought the beanie. It cost him four cans of Pepsi and a strip of bubble-gum flavoured chewing gum – because the manager was ‘hip’ like that.
On his way out of the shop, he squeezed his bald head into the beanie and felt something hard and leathery inside it. He took off the hat and a snake slipped down from the top of his head, wrapping itself, non-threateningly, around his neck.
“Alright, me old mucker, me old pal,” said the snake.
Continue reading “The Random: The Snake in the Beanie Hat and the Bomber Cats”
Twelve years ago, they came to earth. The Saviours. An advanced race of intelligent extraterrestrials with one promise: to save us, to save the planet.
They wanted nothing in return. They had been watching for years, seeing our faults and our successes, our mistakes and our victories. They knew what it meant to be human and they saw potential for improvement – they’d show us how.
After months and months of talks, the leaders of the world came to trust our visitors. The Saviours forgave their initial threats and their scepticism, offering in return new technology, new medicine, new science – all of which worked. ‘The Saviours’ was a name we had given them. We were thankful.
Continue reading “The Saviours”
City Hall. 5:01PM.
Fly-man, Strong-man and Telekinesis-man were at a loss.
“Perhaps something will just… happen. Something convenient. Anyone feel like they’ve just discovered a new super power?” asked Strong-man.
“I think he’s got writer’s block,” said TK-man.
Continue reading “Metafiction: Chekov’s Bomb”